Coach Martha

How I Resigned as Marriage Manager

After fifteen years, my marriage hit rock bottom in 2019. For years, we had enjoyed playful dates, physical intimacy, and deep connection. However, just below the surface, I always felt like “the manager” of the marriage.

After we had our son, everyday life became more stressful. I began to feel lonely and unhappy in parenting and overwhelmed by working full-time while managing a household.

That’s when I found Laura Doyle’s book now entitled The Empowered Wife, and I am so grateful I did. As I implemented the Six Intimacy Skills™ in the book, I immediately started to feel more relaxation and enjoyment in life. I learned that I had the power to make myself happy and began a daily self-care practice.

Looking back, however, I realize I wanted validation that it was okay to take “time off” from being the manager! I sought permission to go out to dinner with friends or get a massage.

Then in 2016, while pregnant with our daughter, I had a car accident that left me with a traumatic brain injury. It changed my personality, and I found I could no longer hide my emotions when I became overwhelmed. In addition, I was reliant on my family for simple tasks and parenting our two small children. I felt like I was losing control, which I had always used to feel safe. Even after the “all clear” from my doctor, my marriage and family felt difficult.

Then my husband took a job out of town, and emotionally I began falling downhill fast. My relationship felt lonely and exhausting as I took care of all the housework and childcare, planned time for physical intimacy (the ultimate control, right!), and worked full-time.

My husband was withdrawn and distracted when he was home, and I had no physical or emotional intimacy. The tone at home was frazzled and stressed, which is how I was too.

I returned to the tools in the book, but they weren’t enough. I needed more support.

That’s when I found Laura’s Diamond program and signed up to work with a private coach, crafting a vision for the marriage I wanted. I’d never had conversations like those coaching calls. It felt like talking to a girlfriend, every session revealing how I already had the skills in me to change my life and make myself ridiculously happy.

It was so empowering. I stopped seeking validation for self-care, let go of controlling other people, and for the first time in my life concentrated on myself, accepting that it was not my responsibility to control my husband’s mood (nor anyone else’s). It felt peaceful.

I collected evidence of the changes I wanted to see. I thanked my husband for being a wonderful provider and protector, for spending time with me and being playful with our children. I started to see how much he wanted to make me happy. I had fun more and stopped doing so many chores around the house.

Shockingly the house still stood and no one reported me as an unfit mother for not doing the dishes!

Shortly after I stopped working with the coach, COVID hit, and the old feelings of losing control returned. I felt isolated and overwhelmed with homeschooling, loss of work, and the huge uncertainty of my safety.

But this time, I had the foresight to seek out the Laura Doyle Connect community that had saved me in the past, and I decided to sign up for Relationship Coach Training. I wanted to be in this community long term.

I have emerged on the other side empowered and knowing that no matter what comes my way, I have the skills to be a happy, relaxed wife and mother—not because of what is happening in my outside world but because of the resilience I have developed inside myself.

I’ve added many tools to my toolbox and show up as the best version of myself. I found I can be happy and have the marriage of my dreams, even when life is not perfect. I learned I can be me and be loved just how I am.

Now, the tone in my house is playful, relaxed, and joyful. We have dinner together almost every night. It is fun and peaceful, with so much connection, honesty, and intimacy now at the dinner table.

I feel deeply loved for who I am. My marriage gets better every day.

As I let go of being the sole parent and primary financial provider and learned to receive help, I began to see what a wonderful parent my husband is, and I focus on gratitude for all he does. He is the leader of my dreams. It feels so safe to have his strong, loving guidance over our family. At first, it felt scary to ask for what I needed. Now it is beautiful to accept his gifts openly and with vulnerability. I feel so taken care of and loved.

I stopped overwhelming myself with all the housework, and I noticed that the less I did, the more my husband did.

After years of me initiating physical intimacy, he now seeks ME out playfully with hugs and kisses. I am enjoying the passion of my dreams.

I am now confident that life will change, ebb and flow. Crises may arrive yet my happiness is here to stay. Now I have skills, a community of empowered women, and my husband by my side.

My dream of being safe, happy, and loved in my relationship has come true.

I am forever grateful for the gentle coaching to turn inward and discover that the power to create this dream was within me. I became so empowered and have seen my desires for a playful happy marriage come true.

I am now committed to sharing this hope I have found. I am passionate about spreading the Intimacy Skills to women who also want empowerment to create the relationship of their dreams.

I know they too have the power within to create it.