Coach Judith L

I Never Saw It Coming—It Is All a Blur

Before the Six Intimacy Skills™, my marriage was not perfect, but I thought I was happy. My husband and I shared fabulous vacations to exotic places, but looking back on those memorable events I realize we both deserved so much more from each other.

The first one ended with driving over a small cliff backward. We totaled the car we had rented. We had it replaced with a different car and continued on.

The next adventure happened before the pandemic of everyone in masks, and one of us showed up on the plane with a contagious illness. Communication just didn’t happen on this trip; we spent a few days in a gorgeous country sick in bed.

It was the mysterious other women two years later that broke me into disbelief. The white lies continued and multiplied until I had to get proof for myself, and I did. I asked my husband to move out.

I could not distinguish fantasy from reality. My husband apologized for breaking his wedding vows to me, telling me he had not been happy for ten years. I was in shock for over a year, possibly two. PTSD set in. I became afraid, unable to see any future for our marriage or myself while unable to understand what had happened. I demanded answers—“How could you do this to me?”—and explanations turned into arguments.

I remember the first white lie my husband told me. By definition, a harmless or trivial lie, especially one told to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. The discovery uncovered a series of events over the next few years. My husband was afraid to talk to me. I was critical, controlling, and abrasive. I did things I was not proud of and felt ashamed of.

I received counseling for one year; nothing came of that time spent with a stranger I barely remember. I was looking for a miracle with answers, but I didn’t even have the questions.

I found information about the Intimacy Skills from a book and an online group. It has been said before but it is worth repeating: I felt as if the author of the book were in my house with a secret camera pointing directly at me. I learned so much in those books, things they do not teach you in school or counseling.

I decided to try, just try, some of the suggestions. What did I have to lose? I began experimenting with phrases like “whatever you think” and the new technique of imagining my mouth sealed in duct tape when I felt myself hitting moments of verbal explosion.

The new perspective I acquired helped me feel hope in my life. My husband’s reaction to my new dance surprised me. Two years after he left home and I found the Skills, he commented, “You seem to be calmer.”

The private online forum also gave me hope. I talked with other women facing similar circumstances or even more traumatic situations. My family and close friends had all but abandoned me with comments like “Get a divorce already,” “That guy is a dirtbag,” “I am sick of hearing about him,” and some I cannot repeat. I do have a handful of friends, both male and female, who listened to my story and helped me with some rough days, for which I am forever grateful.

So, when I was invited to join Relationship Coach Training, I felt so blessed for the opportunity that I felt I just had to embrace this next step in my journey. My previous career had served me well, helping me take care of my family and providing a healthy existence, but at a high personal price of stress and exhaustion.

My relationship now is evolving to a new and different level every day. I am still challenged daily with surrender of the outcome. My multilayered understanding of the Skills continues to provide my heart with hope for the future.

My husband and I see each other daily. He does things for me to make me happy, such as grocery shopping, paying bills, and making appointments for home repair services. He is my hero. As my kitchen renovation evolves into my dream come true, I am confident my relationship will model this event.

Training to become a Laura Doyle relationship coach is one of the most rewarding, powerful things I have ever endeavored on a personal or professional level. I hold close to my heart the community of women available to share life challenges. I cannot imagine what life was like without the community of amazing women who lift me daily.

The connection and support have brought me to a personal growth that is difficult to express. I have learned abundant lessons during Coach Training, including one thing I am sure of: I am responsible for my happiness.

I have learned to follow my heart to the darkest part of myself, and I have come out on the other side as a partner worth having. One of the biggest challenges most of us face is knowing what we really want. I now know the answer: I want a long, happy marriage.

We have now reconciled. I am confident it will last forever.