Coach Nancy

A Journey to ReKindled Love

I was single for a few years after coming out of a marriage and another long-term relationship.  I had given up on thinking that I could be successfully married again because I had walked away from these relationships myself.

My mind changed very quickly about being in a relationship, as I became friends with a handsome, intriguing man at my son’s hockey game. After a year of great friendship, chatting at the boys’ practices and sitting together really connecting, we finally decided to date. It was at that point that the friendship turned to romance and shortly after, we knew that we couldn’t live without each other. We got married after 6 months and we found ourselves in a blended family.

Sixteen months into the marriage, my husband moved out. He told me that we didn’t have a future together and we couldn’t make it work because he felt that things were too difficult trying to blend our boys together so soon and he felt deflated and defeated.

I couldn’t believe my husband just moved out just like that. I was devastated and I couldn’t believe he had suddenly left me alone during COVID to wonder what had happened. I was usually the one who had left my relationships in the past, probably leaving behind the devastation that I now felt.

Where did the love of my life go?  I could feel all my hope slipping away.  I felt so alone and like such a failure.

I found the book by Laura Doyle titled The Empowered Wife a little too late, feeling like there was no hope for getting back together with my husband.  After reading the book and learning about the 6 Intimacy Skills™, I had a realization—a true aha moment. I had been trying to manage things and people to blend our family to ensure that things would always go smoothly. 

I realized after reading the book that I was in my own way and I was not seeing that I too was also responsible for the series of events that led to our situation. 

I realized I had never been truly accountable for my part in the rising issues. 

I realized that I had become so consumed with the problems between the kids by watching everything they were doing and saying to each other. 

I also was so entrenched in managing how my husband spoke to my son and his kids.  I was so involved with how he was being a father, telling him how to be a parent to teenagers because I thought I knew better. I thought that I should be the one to dictate how to bring up our teenagers. I had come across like a growly momma bear who wanted to be anywhere but home.

Then, with what seemed like magic, I decided to put into practice what I had learned reading the book.  Empowered with the 6 Skills, I instantly changed my point of view about what respect and gratitude looked like.  

I realized that I had known about the importance of gratitude for a very long time, but never really lived it. 

I knew that the power of manifesting what I wanted was huge but never knew how to put that into practice within my relationship. 

I decided that I would find myself again by focusing, not only on what was going wrong in my marriage, but by focusing on what I wanted for myself.

My life changed when I let go of managing my husband’s every move and when I stopped being the growly momma bear when I knew the kids weren’t blending. My life changed when I changed my fear into “faith over fear” and realized that my husband just wanted me to be happy.  

When I switched the  focus to myself, everything magically changed in my world, right before my eyes. I started to focus on nurturing my soul, doing meditation,  going on more runs, taking trips with girlfriends and doing the things I had put aside for a few years because I was so consumed with my marriage. I also realized that my husband just wanted me to be happy, and that is exactly how I started to show up—as a Girl of Fun and Light!

When I felt the shift to my happier self, my husband decided to move back within the year. I had my miracle.

Since that horrible worst day of my life, things have changed significantly for the better. I call my husband my dream guy, the love of my life and my hero.  He is my best friend.  He does so much for me and loves to just make me happy. He carries me upstairs when I fall asleep on the couch. He holds my hand everywhere and loves to show me public displays of affection.  He tells me he misses me when we are separated even for an hour. He schedules his work so that he can spend time with me. He constantly looks for ways to support my dreams and desires.  

We are super close and connected in ways I never thought possible. We are now so connected we are planning a beautiful life and future together.