Coach Malka

Living My Best Life after All

As day by day went on, I felt so alone and like I was doing everything. I was working two jobs, taking care of the home, and taking care of our son, and I just felt I was doing it all without any appreciation or acknowledgement.

It was exhausting.

Cold wars were a regular at my place, and all I thought was if only he would put his phone down, if only he would help with our son, if only he would make more money, I would be a happier person. Everything he did seemed to annoy me. I couldn’t see the good in anything. I was miserable and thought that is just how things would be. I just thought “it is what it is”.

I felt like I couldn’t talk to anyone because these things were meant to be kept private. Everything looked perfect from the outside, which added to the loneliness. I thought everyone around me was so happy in their relationships so I must have had bad luck. Our marriage was distant, cold and lonely, but I was doing a great job at faking our “perfect marriage” to our friends and family.

Where had the dreams of my fairy-tale marriage gone? I guess that’s what they were—just dreams.

The day came when I was summoned to couples counseling, which was frightening for me. I had read Laura’s book in the past, and the thought of counseling didn’t sit right with me, so I made a choice to seek out a coach from Laura.

It made all the difference to be supported by a coach. I had tried implementing the Intimacy Skills alone but to no avail. I knew that Laura’s way was the way I wanted to follow; I just had not been able to follow it through, so being able to talk things through and be shown the right way of using the Skills made a world of a difference.

The first thing I started with was self-care. I didn’t realize it was my job to make myself happy. I always thought if only he would do what I wanted him to I would be happy, yet I was mistaken. Each day I would try hard to do my self-care even though it felt selfish. It was also hard at first to find time for it and to even remember what it is I enjoy doing. It had been so long since I had taken care of myself, as I was so busy taking care of everything and everyone else first.

Slowly I found myself. I had missed that happy self that I once was, I missed the Girl of Fun and Light I used to be in the good old days, and I missed the energy I got from being happy. Here I was being taught how to get back to that place.

It felt so good.

Once I had established who I was again, I had the platform to continue with the rest of the Skills. I worked on restoring respect, which was a big one. I started realizing all my controlling ways, which to me didn’t seem like control because I thought I was being helpful.

I realized I could accept help the way my husband would give rather than the way I thought it had to be done. I realized not everything had to go my way and things were still good.

And yes, I felt at times I was failing. I would take two steps forward then one step back. I had to trust the process and accept that I’m not perfect and we’re all mere mortal women and that’s okay.

Slowly it felt like there was a magnetic force pulling my husband towards me again. He was coming home more, he was around more and we were enjoying each other’s company again.

With the foundation of self-care, I was able to implement the rest of the Skills, restoring the intimacy in my relationship to its fullest.

The moment I realized I had come a long way was when my husband suggested I become a coach. I was overjoyed with the progress.

I now have the marriage I dreamed of: very few cold wars, if any, the best dad I have ever wished for our son, and so much help around the house that I sometimes feel lazy as though I don’t do enough because I’m doing so much less than I was. I learnt how to accept it. I feel so spoiled with flowers, diamond rings and all the love he gives.

I also found so much change in my general interactions with everyone around me. I have learnt that these Skills are for any relationship, and I’ve learnt how to trust rather than control.

I am so grateful to have found the Skills at such a young age and to be able to use them for many more years to come!

I knew I couldn’t just stop there. I knew I wanted to take things further and make a difference in other women’s lives. I knew I wanted to stay in the Laura Doyle community for life. So the next step was becoming a coach. My coach told me becoming a coach is a whole new level, that if you think your marriage is good you’ll see it can get better. I never understood that until I started Relationship Coach Training, and now I see what she means. It has taken it all to the next level.

Here I am in the community to help end world divorce!